Family Policy

This summer, while the kids had plenty of time and very little stress (no homework, very limited scheduled activities), I tried and implemented a policy that is a) way overdue b) actually seems to work ok and c) that I'm adopting as a permanent standard.  

In the past when I've made food I know the kids won't eat for dinner (like last night's spicy sauteed kale with lots of garlic under a heap of soupy canellini beans with rosemary and parmesan) I made something else for them. It was something simple, like a bean and cheese quesadilla and apple slices, or a turkey burger and peas or broccoli. 

It wasn't that much more work and it meant no yelling or people telling me that what I cooked was disgusting. But still, it was more work for me and even if the cooking was easy, the multitasking of timing two totally separate meals left me feeling frazzled.

But this summer we've been all about increasing competency and comfort with regular tasks. I explained to the kids that now that they are growing up and more capable, my parenting is shifting from doing things for them, to teaching them how to do things so they can do it themselves. Some skills they already had, like cleaning the bathroom, folding laundry and mowing the lawn. Others were things I taught them once and didn't really follow up on, like doing the laundry and vacuuming. But there were big gaps in basic cooking skills like how to safely use sharp knives or adjusting and monitoring temperatures of burners. If you don't feel comfortable doing this, you are pretty much limited to reheating stuff in the microwave.

This misson to increase their competency was not met with cheers of enthusiasm.

In fact it was met with lots of complaining and whining and even a bit of yelling (on both their side and mine). This only convinced me that I should have started this back when the boy was the girl's age (they are 2.5 years apart in age), though it is a lot easier to teach them both at the same time since usually one of them is in a good mood and that propels the other one to keep at it. 

So this summer they have followed basic recipes, they have used sharp knives to chop up vegetables (many of which they won't eat, but at least they know how to cut them up...), they have been coached on when to adjust stove top temps and how to see if something is cooked through.

They still need a lot of coaching. It still isn't easy to cook with them. But it's a start. And it means the new dinner policy is possible to enact.

Now, I warn them if I'm making a dinner that I know they will despise and it is up to them to decide what they are going to make and take charge of making it. (If I'm making something that I consider accessible, I still want them to give it a try; if they hate it then we can figure out what they'll make themselves). I'll help them with the cooking, but they have to tell me what they need help with rather than me telling them what they should be doing. Not all options are always available since I don't always keep all the ingredients around, but there are always at least 3 or 4 from which they can choose. 

I'm happy to report that helping them cook, when they have to take the lead and either I or their dad is just assisting, is much less stressful than trying to get two different meals on the table at the same time. And the more they do this, the less (I hope) we'll have to pitch in.

Here's what we wrote up and have posted on the fridge:

What you can make if you don’t like what’s for dinner
(ask for help if/when you need it)

Pick one main course:

1. bean and cheese quesadilla
2. pasta with olive oil and parmesan cheese
3. turkey burger
4. tuna melt or sandwich
5. grilled cheese sandwich
6. baked beans
7. omelette or creamy eggs and toast
8. english muffin or pita bread pizza
9. homemade chicken and rice soup
10. miso soup and tofu
11. peanut butter and jelly (sandwich or toast)

Add two fruits or vegetables:
frozen peas
frozen broccoli
carrots
grapes
watermelon
raisins
lettuce
apple (half a large or a whole small)
apple sauce
dried apricots
clementine

pour yourself a glass of milk

DONE!